When my teens whined with an intention to get they want from me, I often reacted – "why can you just talk to me nicely?"
"You and others have unconsciously agreed-upon, repetitive ways of acting in concert with each other. Together, you create patterns of behavior." ~ Learning in Relationship by Ronald Short.
Ron wrote "It is far easier to see the other’s behavior than to notice how your behavior invites the other’s behavior, ad thus co-create the pattern."
I started to see how whining worked for my kids when they failed to get my attention by talking nicely.
How often do you feel like a victim in a relationship? Do you realize you are the co-creator of the relationship?
Do you complain about your boss? spouse? kids? parents? friends? Do you see any pattern you co-created with them? What do you want to do with the patterns? It’s all your choice.