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Often, we ask ourselves how much our partner loves us. "He really loves me conditionally when I love him unconditionally". "She loves herself more than she loves me." After a relationship ended, we asked ourselves more often "how did I end up with a guy who just loved me so little?" "why did I stay with a woman who seemed so cold all the time?"

When I started to study Emotional Intelligence, I started to see the power of the word "capacity". We all do the best we can based on what we know; including "love". We all have different capacity to love. Some can stretch more than the other because he has more capacity to do so. And there is no value to attach any judgment towards various capacities. Besides, "more" or "less" is all relative comparison in our own eyes.

The key to create loving relationship is to raise self-awareness. When we know who we are, what are our strengthes and weaknesses, and what’s our capacity on specific area at specific time, we have freedom to make conscious choices. When we can consistently make conscious choices freely, we are increasing our capacities in all areas and at the same time we are developing others through the relationship we are involved in. Therefore love emerges through our own personal work.


Hsuan-hua Change, Certified Professional Coach

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